This is something new that I came up with because I really wanted to make fun of people, and/or corporate identities.  I mean honestly, who doesn’t enjoy making fun of the rich, famous, and imaginary?  I love it.  And you should too. Idiot of the Moment   Anyways, today’s lucky winner of the first ever Splitplug.com’s “Idiot of the Moment” is the lovable, adorable, and highly recognized corporate mascot, Clippy, from AMC Theaters.  Clippy isn’t a bad guy.  I’m not trying to “dis” him or anything like that.  He’s probably a cool guy to hang out with.  He’s the kind of guy who’d get the beers for your party, or he’d sneak you and your friends into awesome flicks like Stuart Little 2, and maybe even Like Mike.  Only problem is, he’s a bumbling idiot.  First of all, a little background information on “Clippy”: Formed from the remains of unsuccessful Hollywood films, Clippy was created as the official mascot of AMC theaters, replacing the vastly unpopular Sticky, a piece of gum under the seats whose career was cut short when he was accidentally eaten by a young child whom we’ll call Dot.  If you look closely, you can see the clips of movies such as Glitter, Bubble Boy, and even BASEketball that were used to create Clippy’s body parts. Clippy ‘s been picked because he’s an idiot.  He only has two simple jobs to do before the movie starts, and he messes them both up.  You see, for those of you that don’t go to the theater, or just don’t have an AMC in your area, Clippy runs the whole “Silence is Golden” deal that they play before every movie.  Only thing is, Clippy screws it up every time and knocks over a bunch of film canisters in the dark.  The guy works there, and doesn’t even know where the light switch is.  What good is that damn flashlight for anyways?  Maybe he has a good excuse for it though.  He might be blind, because he obviously doesn’t have any visible facial features.  That’s probably why AMC has kept him for so long.  They don’t want to get blamed or sued over discrimination of the blind.  Look at all those other mascots who have kept their jobs due to disabilities:  Lucky, the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, and spokesperson for the vertically challenge, Charlie the Tuna from Starkist Tuna, who represents the visually impaired, and even Tails (I’m guessing he’s a fox…) from Sonic the Hedgehog, who supports those with physical deformities. The other thing he screws up is the featured presentation introduction.  All he has to do is lead his invisible orchestra, and play us into our movie, but yet he manages to somehow destroy the music sheet by lightly tapping it.  How he does this, the world may never know.  I mean, he obviously has an incredible amount of magical abilities, including flying through the air on film canisters, seeing without eyes, and an amazing amount of telepathic capabilities.  He can shoot beams of light into space and move planets through hyperspace, but he can’t fucking LEAD AN INVISIBLE ORCHESTRA INTO MY STINKING FEATURED PRESENTATION!!  C’mon Clippy, give us a break.  Just quit or something.  You can’t do anything right, and you’re obviously not an asset to society in anyway.  You won’t be missed, not by be, not by your family, not by anyone.  Go away Clippy.  We are all better off without you.  * Update * Ever since this story, Clippy has been seen several times roaming the perimeter of my home.  Normally I wouldn’t mind if there were a prowler outside my home, cause I figure my baseball bat with a nail in it will protect me, but a 6 foot tall walking movie clip kind of scares me.  After calling the police, Clippy attacked them using his amazing telepathic powers, but tripped over my sprinkler and broke his neck.  Clumsy fuck.  The police then riddled his body with bullets, just to make sure he was dead.  Then I walked outside and beat him senseless with a golf club.  A successful night for all.  Good times... good times.   - Kevin fake advertisement brought to you by splitplug.com