Short Update Gone Long:  A Tale of "Last Comic Standing."

Well they've done it again haven't they?  From the creators of "Kill My Folks," and "Dogs Eating Dogs," comes this seasons next show where everyday people are the stars, and are filmed every waking moment of their lives for our viewing pleasure.  Yes friends, it's "Last Comic Standing."  A show that by all looks of it was going to be the next American Idol, but with comedians.  Even I watched the first episode, enjoying the short 3 minutes each comedian got to do their thing and impress the judges.  And they had an Asian comedian, my favorite kind.

But, since nothing good ever lasts in the world of TV, the show changed its theme from stand-up comics battling on stage (YEAH!), to stand-up comics living in a house (SAD!), Big Brother style.  This is at the up most high level of upsetting-ness to me.  Even that incoherent sentence was more entertaining than what the show is now.  These so called comedians are now voting for something against each other, and occasionally doing something that might be understood as comedy.  I hate TV.

I think the celebrity judges were catching on to what the show was going to become, so they had one of them wacked, mobster style.  Yes, our beloved Buddy Hackett, whose is famous for being an old comedian, I guess, did not die of natural causes. 

He was killed by the NBC Broadcasting corporation.

As you can see by the blood colored font, killing is bad.  When you kill someone, they die, and don't come back.  And that's no lie. Buddy Hackett will be remembered always as the voice of the bird from the "Little Mermaid."  I think.

So, now that all the celebrities who have ties with show are silenced (Joe Rogan, Mo'Nique, Jay Mohr, Caroline Rhea... etc), NBC is free to do what they want.  And this upsets me.  Because I was lied too.  I wanted a season of non-stop stand-up comedy, performed by great unknowns who are going places with their lives.  No, I was not so lucky, because this is what I got (I'm just going to go over the ones I somewhat liked, and those easily made fun of): 

The Show was looking for a politically correct and perfectly diverse group of comics to live in their "house."  So what we get is one of every kind of comedian, and not "the best of the comedians." 

The (White) Fat Guy
Ralphie May

Don't email me about not being nice and calling this guy fat, because he is obviously fat.  Fat.  This guy was actually pretty funny, and I can see why they kept him.  He did a whole bit that was completely out of character about him growing up in "da hood" and ordering fast food at Checker's, ghetto style.  Too bad this was the only stock photo  they had of him.  Poor sap.

The Black Comic
Tracy Morgan Geoff Brown

He's a black guy who does comedy.  Don't we have like 7 of these guys already?  I like his name.  Geoff.  It reminds of a clever phone call type prank.

*RING RING*
Bartender: Hello who's dis?
Me:  Hi, may I speak to a Mr. Meoff.  First name Jack.
Barterder:  One second...  Uh, is there a Meoff here?  Hey anybody, Jack Meoff here?

And then hilarity would possibly ensue, or maybe a guy actually named Jack Meoff would answer, causing more hilarity.  Man I'm way off topic...

An Asian Guy
Dat Phan

Dat Phan is spinning way to fast!  Make it slower!  SLOWER!!  Great name, and actually a great comic.  He came on-stage with a Chinese/ Japanese/ whatever accent, fooling everybody with his whimsical impression of how his people actually speak English... and then he started speaking regular English.  He's A+ super cool in my book of super cool individuals.

Pseudo Zombie Old Looking Guy
Dave Mordal

Zombie's aren't allowed to be funny, and they are definitely not allowed in any of the comedy clubs I've seen. That automatically makes him sucky and an un-cool zombie.

Black Woman Comedienne
Tess Drake

Wow, her name sounds straight out of Darkwing Duck.  I think she might have been the basis of one of DW's love interests.  Or not, what do I know.  She's black and funny and that's her story, cause that's all you're getting from me.

Painful to look at White Woman
Tere Joyce

She's one of the reason this show was sucking hard, and look, she was miraculously voted off the island house.   Geez, how many times am I going to use the over-used annoying bastard damn strikethrough font trick.   Probably three more times.  Keep count.  Everything about this woman screamed, "I WANT TO BE FUNNY!"  But when it was time to make with the funny, she made with the vomit inducing bizarro-anti-funny.  Times two.  I have no idea how she made it that far... in life.  Glad she's gone.  From life.

There was also a gay man comedian guy, but he was also voted off the island... of Manhattan!  Anybody get that?  Did anybody watch the first episode?  No?   How about the movie "Boiler Room"?  No?  Fine then...

Who do I blame for this travesty of a show, and all the other "reality" based crap on TV?  MTV.   Those punks had the Real World playing non-stop back in the day, and that has led to the dumb-ifying of today's television.  I dislike them almost to the point of utter hatred, and personal disfigurementation.