about me

The love child of a raccoon and sloth, I gained the inept ability to scurry slowly down trees to search for leftover meals in dumpsters.  I was also cursed with a permanent "Zorro" mask.  Damn you father!  DAMN YOU!  This forced me to become an outcast in society.  People looked at me and immediately assumed I was some sort of burglar, or possibly some kind of henchman, all because of my blasted raccoon eyes.

This all changed when I underwent a series of procedures to remove the foul, permanent Zorro mask from my face.  The process was a grueling one, consisting of dogs licking at my eyes, and a mixture of carrot juice and hog intestines being poured over my face. 

The procedure eventually worked, and as you can see, I can now walk freely around others in public, without being thought of as a criminal, or even worse, a pirate.

After all the turmoil of living part of my life as a "wierdo", I took refuge in the wilderness of Florida's Everglades.  That is were I met Sam Micheal Logan Theodore Jackson.  Known for having a multitude of nicknames, Sammy taught me the ways of the wild that he learned from the kamikaze squirrels and sea bears that roamed the 'glades during that time...

Ah, if only my life had been that interesting.  I actually have nothing truly interesting to say about myself, only that I can't believe you took the time to read this "about me" section. Did you really want to learn about me?  I know what you were looking for.  You just wanted to see pictures of me.  Everyone does.  So here you go.  Pictures of me, the King of Vanity, as well as the King of Ants.

click to get a larger picture, you web savvy individuals