The Matrix Reloaded Review Unloaded

By now you have all seen the movie, and if not, read some review about somewhere in print or on the net.  Well here's my take on this lovely moooovie.

Let me first say that I loved the Matrix, and waiting 4 years for this one to come out was one of my biggest anticipations.  I was mentally prepared for it, had just watched part one to get me in the mood, and had already purchased the 2-disk soundtrack which came out a few days earlier.  I listened to it in my sleep, showered with it, and made sweet sweet love to it under the moonlight.  The first soundtrack was better, just so you know.  Okay, let's get started:

The sequel to the highly successful hit "The Matrix,"  Reloaded picks up where the last one ended, about 6 months later.  The crew (Morpheus, Trinity, Neo, and my man Tank's replacement Link) are once again up to their old tricks of wearing cool leather and animal skins whilst fighting classy businessmen. 

Let's get the important question out of the way.  Was the movie exactly what I expected it to be?  YES.  I don't care what any critics say about the movie being "too Hollywood" or "not like the first one."  No movie is ever like the first one.  And even though you'll always compare it to the first, you can't judge it by that alone.  It is a great movie.  Almost everything I wanted to see in a sequel was presented, and it left questions open for the third and final film to answer. 

The Burly Brawl

This is the scene where Neo fights about a hundred agent Smiths after the conversation with the Oracle.  Online I keep seeing people say that this scene was useless and unnecessary.  They say that if Neo can fly, and Smith can replicate himself, there is no point in them fighting.  Well I see it completely differently.  Aside from the fight being ultra-mighty-hella awesome, there was another reason for it to happen.  The last time Neo fought Smith, before he became "the One," he got his ass handed to him, and he had to run.  Then he became "the One" at the end of the film, and easily and smuggly blocked all of his attacks, flew into him, and blew him up. 

You see, now Neo's ego has grown, because he can see what he can do, and he's become over-confident.  Seeing Agent Smith alive gives him a chance to boost his ego even more by kicking his ass again.  Even when there's about twenty Smiths on-screen, it doesn't worry Neo.  He just keeps smacking them around his with pole.  His over-confidence and ego get a crushing blow when he sees that he can be defeated, even though it might take about 200 Smiths.  Because of this fight, I see him as vulnerable throughout the rest of the movie.

Morpheus's Loud Speech to Zion

I like Morpheus.  He's a great guy.  He's smart, wears nice clothes.  I would have to say that I know him pretty well.  So when he got up to give his speech to Zion, I expected good ol' Morpheus and his calm self to say.  This was not the case.  Although the speech was great, it was not Morpheus saying it.  It was Laurence Fishburne yelling it.  It was too loud, too loud, and too loud.  It was him yelling at us for about two minutes.  I don't think we deserved to be yelled at.  He gets a C+ for his tone of voice, and a B for the speech itself.  So loud.

The Crazy Neo/Trinity Orgy Sex Scene Party Dance 2000!

I guess this was an OK scene in the movie, although it ran a bit long.  And by a bit, I mean it ran for about 3 full songs. The whole point of it was to send a big fuck you the robots, to let them know that we here and we ain' takin' no shit from you metal-encased bastards.  And the Wachoski's showed us all Keanu ass.  Which we've all been waiting to see since Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  (Unless I'm forgetting some other film with his ass in it.)

The Fight with the French Guy's Henchmen

I like things.  This was my favorite scene, because I had so many things happening all at the same time.  Actually no.  That's not why I like it.  I just like the Ninja turtles and the weapons they use, and Neo using sai's was sweet.  And smooth.  And phat. And he killed everybody.  And, as Lindsay tells me, one of the guys dies really fake in the background.  But I have yet to see that.  She just has super vision I guess.

The Escalade/CTS Highway Chase Scene

Aren't those trucks just great.  I have seven already, but I might get more, who knows.  This whole sequence was just great.  So I'm not going to explain or joke about it.  Did anyone catch the shoes that Morpheus was wearing?  They were purple alligator skin penny-loafers.  I don't know what penny-loafers are, but if those are it, I want some. 

The Architect Talking all Smart-like

I like him, because he reminds of jolly ol' Colonel Sanders.  He actually looks like the dad of one fo my friends, Christina.  I understod what he said, I don't know about you.  I just not going to say anything anymore.  This review is just so damn late that you all probably don't even care, and won't reach this part of it.  I can say anything now.  Blue Crush was the best movie ever made. For the lucky few that took the time to read all the way down here, here is a link to my favorite online game, Topless Volleyball.  The password for topless gameplay is "getumout."   Just ignore the blatant anime porn advertisements.

I like the Matrix.